You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
