I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
