I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize