OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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