this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His hands were made for my vagina.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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