She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
