You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
