I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
