We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize