I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
