I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
