i barfeds in our rink
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize