do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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