That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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