At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
