my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
