If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
