On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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