I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
