I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I need a beard to bite.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
