it was like his penis was on wheels.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
