my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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