And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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