If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
