I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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