it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
