So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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