hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
