she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize