Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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