I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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