At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
