Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize