he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
