Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
