Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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