I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
