spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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