That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
