You're completely useless in the revolution.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
