well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
