batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
