there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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