She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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