i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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