Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
