Non-Jews are for practice
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
