I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
