I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
