how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
