If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
