new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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