There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
