Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
