all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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