I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
