just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
