Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
