He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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