wrigley field is MILF paradise
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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