I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
