I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
