Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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