Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
