What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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