I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
