We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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