using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
