Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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