fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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