Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
