There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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